The first sentence of the wikipedia entry for OCD says: Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder where people feel the need to check things repeatedly, perform certain routines repeatedly (called "rituals"), or have certain thoughts repeatedly.
I definitely have that. But what's weird is that I think it's a good thing. Those characteristics represent many of my strengths as an entrepreneur. I'm thorough and reliable. Thoughtful. And thought-full.
I'm aware that "strength" is a relative term and that some people wouldn't consider me a "strong" entrepreneur, especially since none of my various entrepreneurial endeavors (with one notable exception) have become profitable. That includes full-on tech companies and side-hustles that I've built, from scratch, and run. (The exception is mining bitcoin back in the days when that was still possible. It hasn't - yet! - earned me lifelong wealth, but it has created a meaningful and exciting return so far.)
To some people, financial failure is ultimate failure. But I consider myself to be a success for one specific reason: I don't have a boss. That's the most important professional goal I have in life. I'm proud to be betting on myself every day that I wake up and get to work and I plan to keep doubling down on that bet for the rest of my life. That's the plan, at least.
My current company, reallyread.it, has a ton of exciting potential. It keeps me awake at night because I believe in it so much. But I'm definitely struggling with what conventional medicine calls OCD. (Previously I thought it was ADD.) I'm totally undiagnosed, and not planning to seek conventional medical treatment of any kind.
Sometimes smoking pot is a good way to pop myself out of a behavioral pattern where I basically just sit around pondering reallyread.it, what it is and what it can become, instead of actually doing stuff. (Again, this has benefits. Namely, I'm crystal clear about the vision for the company, community, and product.) I write and rewrite several to-do lists, constantly, sometimes because I don't like one particular word. This reddit comment required over an hour of proofreading - again and again. It's not really a bad feeling, I just feel silly and a little bit crazy when I'm super-hyper focused on doing something that I know, objectively speaking, is a waste of time. Organizing and reorganizing my workspace is yet another example.
I spend a lot of time on non-work things too. Clean my house, light candles, meditate, go for long walks. Since I don't have a TV or smart phone, I spend very little time looking at screens. I have tons of books and love reading, but often struggle to focus.
(Note: My definitions of "OCD" and "ADD" might be way off from a medical perspective. Let me know if you think I'm using these words incorrectly.)
Without giving up my creativity and passion, I want to minimize the effects that the OCD is having on me. And, basically, just be more productive.
Anyone else having a similar experience?
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